Then, a chain of events started that would turn my life as I knew it upside down.
In 2018, while working for the NHS, I entered a relationship with a client.
Looking back I can see that I was in a place of low self-esteem, although I didn’t realise that at the time. It was as though I had been sleepwalking through life, having done the things that I thought I wanted to do, that I felt I should do, that I was expected to do,,,, going to university, getting a well respected job, getting married, buying a house, starting a family…. And then in my connection to this person, I suddenly woke up and realised the path I was walking was not my own. I ended my marriage and left my position in the NHS.
I had NEVER felt a stronger connection to anyone than I did to this person, and when he ended our relationship 18 months later, I was heartbroken. The HCPC carried out an investigation and, ultimately, struck me off their register.
The events of this period were the most challenging of my life. It caused me to question EVERYTHING. Who am I? Why am I here? How can I move forward with my life?
At my lowest point, I was sitting in the bottom of this hole that I’d dug for myself and I just thought “How the fuck did I end up here???” I knew I needed help and went to see my GP.
The advice was exactly what I expected: take these tablets (I was prescribed Diazepam and Mirtazapine) and we’ll refer you for therapy.
Well, I never took the tablets. I just knew that that wasn’t for me in the long run and that I could actually end up dependent on them. But therapy? That makes sense, right? Go for therapy. Surely that will help? NO. The answer came back again and again. I couldn’t bring myself to go for therapy because it turns out I KNEW that wouldn’t help me in the long run either!
“What am I going to do?” I thought in desperation. My GP couldn’t help me. Therapy couldn’t help me. The HCPC proved that they had no way to help me.
That’s when I came to a life-changing realisation:
Psychology as it stands is not giving people the help they really need. In fact, oftentimes, it’s fostering dependency on the therapy that is supposed to help people and even making them worse!
Initially, this realisation sent me into further turmoil and brought on what I felt at the time was some sort of identity crisis or ego death and what I now know to be a MASSIVE unconscious confrontation:
If I wasn’t going to go for therapy because I didn’t believe that it would help me in a meaningful way, then what the hell did that say about me, my role as a psychologist and the “help” I’d been offering people for the past decade??
For a while it felt like my life had completely malfunctioned and I sank deeper into the hole.
But even in my darkest hour, something told me not to give up. I knew I was struggling, I knew there was plenty I had got wrong, but I also knew that I wasn’t a lost cause. My love for others, my belief in the human spirit, my faith in a higher power told me not to give up on myself now. The universe whispered to me that there was a way forward, that there was a way for me to grow, to transform and to fulfil my purpose of genuinely helping others. “Do you want to stay stuck in this hole,” she asked, “or are you ready to go on a journey?”
That night I did two things. I wrote a list entitled “Things I can do to get out of this hole” (I’d been helping other people dig themselves out of holes for the past 10 years so, my God Ellie! You better believe now’s the time to practice what you preach!) And secondly, I set out on a journey to find out how I ended up here. I knew WHAT had happened. I had a grasp of WHY it had happened but the HOW eluded me. I made a promise to myself: If I could find my way out of this hole, I certainly wasn’t going to fall back in again. I was ready to go on a journey. I was going in search of the TRUTH.
And, do you know what? I only went and found it!! Or, the Truth found me, is probably a more accurate way to look at it! This is a whole story in itself, which I’m going to save for my book, but I will tell you it involved stepping waaaaaaay outside of my comfort zone, plenty of beach walks and meditation, thinking contrastively, embracing a growth mindset and a life-changing encounter with an irrepressible Scotsman!
He introduced me to John Lenhart (https://www.myflowcess.com/team/john-lenhart) and the wonderful team at Flowcess (https://www.flowcess.com/) who through over 20 years of research have developed the only non-contradictory model for the human mind and brain in the world. A model that has understanding a person’s uniqueness, who they are at the level of their mind and soul, how they gain energy, at its core.
As I learnt more about the Flowcess model, I KNEW this is the help I’d been looking for and what would pave the way for me to really help others and live out my purpose. I knew that this information was the key to building generative communities where everyone can live in their uniqueness gaining energy. I even knew that this information would tell me how I knew what I knew!
I now understood that THIS is what psychology is missing.
Getting a person out of a hole is one thing. Getting them up the mountain to a life of ongoing happiness, growth and fulfilment is quite another. It means growing their self-esteem. It means helping them to understand, embrace and take ownership of their uniqueness. When you do that, every situation, every circumstance, every interaction, becomes an opportunity to bring out more of your uniqueness and to GAIN energy. That’s how you stay out of a hole. That’s how you get up the mountain. THAT’S WHERE THE REAL HELP HAPPENS.
I’m living proof. Learning and applying this information transformed my life. I found out my uniqueness. I learned how I can fulfil my life’s purpose. I grew in self-esteem. I learned how to be generative. I’m embracing being the slightly external, big picture, compassion-server that I am.
I’m living my best life.
And, whatever your uniqueness, I want to help you to do the same.
God knows, the world needs you!
